i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
