He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you inspire me to be a worse person
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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