i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
