GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
