apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
