my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
