just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
