I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
