plz talk dirty to me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
