My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
