I've blown a few things in my day
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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