So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
