you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
