How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
