You can't special order awesome
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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