Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
