Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
