tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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