I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
