the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
