Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
