Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
