First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
