I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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