I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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