What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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