I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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