Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
