Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
