I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
