Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
