Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
