I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
