i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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