Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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