I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
