just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
