I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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