The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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