Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
whose parrot is this?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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