I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
