she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
