Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
