There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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