So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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