All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
