I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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