i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
