I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
