can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
