I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
