so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
