yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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